


Call Me Lover

by redbaretta



Category: Dir en grey
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Canon Compliant, Face-Fucking, Fluff and Smut, Friends With Benefits, Friends With Benefits To Lovers, M/M, Mutual Pining, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:07:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27557353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redbaretta/pseuds/redbaretta
Summary: Kaoru and Die have been friends-with-benefits for a while now. But lately, they've been having a bit of trouble keeping a lid on their feelings.
Relationships: Die/Kaoru (Dir en grey)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 16





	Call Me Lover

**Author's Note:**

> I thought I'd finish this fic in a week tops. Instead it took a whole _month_ , and now Die's hair is (possibly) not even red anymore, which is so...ughghgh. But anyway, it's here, it's out of my system. So please...enjoy? Also to any KaoDie shippers out there, I encourage you all to write even just a little bit, because I've got nothing left to read and it's slowly driving me insane, please...feed me...I'm not a writer I just do this because I'm starving...pLEASE _(:3」∠)_.../sobs...

The back of his knees hitting the edge of the bed, Kaoru collapses onto the soft mattress behind him and pulls Die down to straddle his lap. It was a miracle they made it to the bedroom without seriously injuring themselves. Especially with how insistent Die has been with his hands and lips, kissing and touching all he could reach, leaving Kaoru in a disoriented haze as he bumps them both along the furniture in his hallway.

He had barely been able to contain himself since Kaoru kissed him in the studio, the way he had wanted to all evening. And while Kaoru struggled slightly to keep up with his pace, he could hardly blame Die for being so impatient. It has been a little too long since they have last seen each other, even longer still since their last rendezvous. So when Die had offered to come over to Kaoru’s place, intent on staying the night to help Kaoru work on their songs, and ‘to make up for lost time’, as he subtly puts it, Kaoru had been more than happy to have him, beaming when Die had shown up on his doorstep in his well-worn jeans and his thick burgundy scarf, freshly-dyed hair tied loosely behind his back and his duffle bag packed for the evening.

Feeling nimble fingers hastily unbutton his shirt, Kaoru pulls away from Die and tries to catch his breath. “Calm down, we have all night,” he says, though he does nothing to slow him down, warm hands fervently caressing his thigh and the swell of his ass, betraying how needy he really was.

Hair falling loosely around his face, Die giggles softly at Kaoru’s heated touch and pulls off his shirt, tossing it to the side. “Can’t wait. Need you,” he says breathlessly, before claiming Kaoru’s lips once more, hands running across his dampened skin, eager to explore.

Kaoru shudders when Die trails calloused hands and soft, open-mouthed kisses down his chest and stomach, sliding down his front until he was on the floor between his legs, pulling on the hem of his sweatpants, silently pleading to touch what was underneath. Lifting his hips off the bed and allowing Die to pull down the hem, Kaoru’s breath hitches when he feels his cock spring free from its confines, hardened and pulsing and already dripping with precum. He hisses sharply when one of Die’s hands began stroking him, smearing his fluids from base to tip, while the other fondles his balls, firmly kneading the sacs between his fingers.

“So hard already,” Die purrs when he looks up at Kaoru, pleased to see him already so affected, his throbbing length hot and hard and leaking profusely in his hand. “You want me that badly?” he teases, brushing his thumb across the weeping tip to smear the precum gathered there, making Kaoru buck into his hand with a trembling sigh.

When Kaoru does not answer immediately, Die gives him a rough stroke, making Kaoru groan out, “Nn! Yes! Want you. Want you so much.”

Die preens at his answer, warmth fluttering in his chest at the sight of Kaoru wanton and disheveled above him, hips writhing under his touch. “How do you want me, Kao?” he asks, brushing his nose fleetingly along the vein underneath, lips close but never touching his length, “What do you want me to do?”

Knowing that Die will not budge until he answers him honestly, Kaoru swallows his pride and grinds out, “Want you to blow me. Want you to take my cock down your throat, let me fuck your mouth.” His stomach clenches at the all too delicate touch on the underside of his cock, at the way Die’s breath ghosts so close to his dick. “Can you do that?” he asks Die, as he always does when they do this.

Smiling coyly in answer, Die takes Kaoru’s right hand in his own and guides it towards the back of his head. Knowing what to do, Kaoru runs his fingers through his hair and grabs a fistful in his hand, tugging carefully at the blood red strands to test his strength, to make sure his hold does not hurt him.

When Die is satisfied with Kaoru’s grip in his hair, firm enough to keep him steady but not tight enough to hurt, he leans down to swirl his tongue over the tip, savouring the salty taste of his precum before wrapping his lips around the head and sucking hard. His eyes flutter shut in delight when he feels Kaoru’s hips buck up, forcing his cock deeper into his mouth. And although he could hear Kaoru stutter out an apology from above, Die was too preoccupied making Kaoru feel good to pay it any mind, his head bobbing up and down his rigid length, his hands stroking where his lips cannot reach.

“Shit. Shit! Die…!” Kaoru rasps out when Die gives a particularly hard suck, lips constricting tightly around him.

Hearing Kaoru curse above him, Die looks up and lets his cock slip out with a pop. “Don’t come yet,” he whispers softly, stroking his dick and balls firmly in his hand, “You haven’t even fucked my mouth yet…”

Resting his head on his thigh, Die relaxes his jaw and gradually takes him back in his mouth, deeper and deeper, until he could feel the tip touch the back of his throat. Kaoru tightens his grips on Die’s hair as he tries to keep himself from bucking into the tight heat that surrounds him, taking deep breaths to regain control of his hips. When he finally feels steady enough to move, Kaoru begins fucking Die’s mouth in earnest, canting his hips back and forth as his cock slides in and out from between his lips, dripping wet with saliva and precum, the sight of it almost too much for him to bear.

Looking up at Kaoru, Die swallows eagerly around the hot flesh, loving the warmth that overwhelms his mouth and his tongue, the way their juices drip filthily down his chin. Kaoru’s cock is the perfect length, the perfect thickness, and it fills him up so well without ever being too much. He has not yet told this to Kaoru, but recently, he has been wondering how it would feel to be his cock-warmer; to have his mouth stuffed full while Kaoru works on his music or plays video games, paying him no mind until he could no longer take it, and fucks Die’s mouth with the need to come. Die moans sharply at the thought, his eyes shutting tight when he feels white-hot arousal shoot up his dick, making it leak and twitch even more underneath his pajama pants.

Hips stuttering at the vibration Die’s moan sent down his cock, it takes all of Kaoru’s willpower to stop his hips from moving and pull Die off his length. He was so close to coming, so ready to burst. And while he would love nothing more than to fill Die’s mouth with his cum, to watch him swallow his load eagerly and spill out what he cannot take, tonight, he wants Die to feel good first. Wants to see him come undone beneath him on the sheets.

Die looks up in confusion when Kaoru pulls him off his cock, whining when he feels his hot length slip out of his mouth, leaving behind only a trail of precum and saliva connected to his swollen lips. When he leans in and tries to take it back into his mouth, Kaoru tightens his grip in his hair and tugs him back, making Die whimper pitifully.

Shaking his head, Kaoru lets go of his hair and pulls Die up from the ground and onto his lap. “Not yet,” he says, his hands carefully cleaning the mess off of his chin and lips, “I want you coming first.”

Warmth flooding his cheeks and skin tingling where Kaoru’s delicate hands wiped him clean, Die swallows down his affection and helps Kaoru pull up his shirt when he feels his tattooed hands tug at the hem, eager to remove them. When his shirt comes off and is thrown to the side, Kaoru pivots him to lie on the bed, resting Die’s head on one of his soft pillows before swiftly pulling off his dirtied pajama bottoms as well, finally leaving Die exposed and bare to Kaoru’s gaze.

Die is beautiful like this, with his red hair splayed in a silky halo above his head, skin flushed a rosy pink, and his cock curved prettily against his stomach, leaking and smearing precum all over his navel. Cupping the side of his face, he strokes his thumb along his cheekbone and smiles when Die leans gently into his touch, brushing his lips against his palm. “How are you feeling?” he asks, unable to keep the fondness from his voice.

Die blinks up and presses his cheek against Kaoru’s warm palm, “I’m feeling good,” he says, “Missed you pulling my hair, missed your cock down my throat.” He grins, amused and endeared when Kaoru groans softly and looks away, “It’s good to taste you again. I’ve missed you,” he says, before pulling Kaoru down for a kiss, carding his fingers through his hair, his tongue tasting the familiar scent of cigarette smoke he has come to associate with Kaoru’s lips.

Returning his kiss in fervor, Kaoru tilts his head and drinks in the softness of his plush mouth, tongue darting out to taste the other’s sweet warmth. He feels Die pull him closer, reaching for the back of his neck to deepen the kiss, lips moving slowly, almost lovingly against his. Kaoru’s breath hitches at the tenderness, at the longing that seems to tinge his gentle touch. If he did not know any better, he may have thought that Die loved him. The same way Kaoru has loved him for years, quietly and reverently, a gift he only allows himself to receive when Die comes to him to sate their basest needs.

Before Kaoru could betray his thoughts to him, before he could let slip how happy he feels _when you tell me that I am missed,_ he pulls away and ruts his hips and his cock firmly against Die’s, making the other squirm and keen underneath him. “You’re really too much sometimes,” he says, before gathering Die into his arms and holding him close, warmth bubbling in his chest when Die giggles softly in his embrace, his smooth, warm skin pressed flush against his. “Tell me how you want me. Do you want to top tonight?” he asks, hands rubbing gently along his waist.

Die lets out a shuddering breath and shakes his head, “No. Want you to take me.” Before Kaoru could lean back and reach for the lube in his bedside drawer however, Die quickly stops him and tells him, “No, no need, I already…”

Kaoru’s eyes widen when he understands what he means, “O-oh, I— _oh_.”

Smiling cheekily at his shocked expression, Die pushes Kaoru to lie on his back, bracketing his hips with his thighs as he grabs hold of his shaft and strokes the leaking head against his hole. After a few moments of poking and prodding, whimpering softly when the tip catches at his entrance, Die finally lowers himself down on Kaoru’s cock, feeling it stretch and fill him as he buries the length to the hilt, letting out a trembling sigh when he knows he has taken it all in, Kaoru’s balls pressed firmly against his ass cheeks.

And that is when Kaoru feels it, the slickness of Die’s lubed-up hole, stretched and pliant, clearly from an earlier prep. “D-Die, holy shit…!” he whispers hotly, biting back a moan at the way he takes him so well. He must have done it in the bathroom, while he was changing his clothes and Kaoru was working on his music in the other room, none the wiser, fucking and stretching himself quietly with his favourite dildo and his strawberry-flavoured lube, already knowing what he wants.

With his strong jaw clenched and his cock twitching sharply where it plugs deep in his ass, pride floods Die’s chest to see Kaoru so aroused, from knowing that he is the one making Kaoru feel this way. Wasting no time adjusting, he immediately sets a hard but steady pace, bouncing vigorously up and down his lap, lifting himself almost all the way up before slamming back down again, making Kaoru groan loudly into the back of his hand.

From below, Kaoru drinks in the sight of Die fucking himself on his cock, lips parted in lust as his red hair flows gracefully over his shoulders, matting where it makes contact with his sweat-slicked skin. Glowing under the dim warm light of his bedside lamp, Die looks absolutely divine, and not for the first time, Kaoru wants nothing more than to take him into his arms and ravish him. So that is exactly what he does, pushing himself up from the bed and pulling Die into his lap, burying his cock deeper inside him, hands squeezing his ass as he wraps an arm tightly around his waist.

Die gasps loudly when he feels Kaoru push deeper inside him, pressing his cock firmly against his prostate. “Nn—! Kao!” he cries out, sobbing at the pleasure coursing through him, back arching as his hips convulse underneath Kaoru’s grip, unable to move away.

Brushing his hair away from his face, Kaoru leans in to kiss him once, twice, thrice, until Die is a flustered, trembling mess in his arms. “You feel so good, so tight, so warm. It’s like you were made for me,” Kaoru whispers, nuzzling softly against his cheek and his jawline, making Die blush hotly when his fingers rub at his sensitive entrance, slick and stretched and stuffed full with his cock. Die’s heart stutters at Kaoru’s possessive touch, at the quiet yearning that seems to permeate his voice and his words. If he did not know any better, he may have thought that Kaoru loved him. The same way Die has loved him for years, deeply and desperately, a privilege he only allows himself to enjoy when he comes to Die for the comfort between his sheets.

Before Die could respond to his praise, before his traitorous mouth could let slip that _I was made to be yours,_ Kaoru bucks into him harshly, and he cries out loud from his prostate being struck dead on, “There! T-there, oh my god…!” With calloused hands splayed on his ass cheeks, spreading them further apart, Kaoru intensifies his thrusts and hits home each time he fucks into him, the sound of their skin slapping together only heightening his arousal, making Die bury his face into the crook of Kaoru’s neck as he struggles to take the pounding from his thick cock.

“Kaoru, a-ah! P-please, please I can’t…!” he sobs frantically into Kaoru’s ear, arms winding tighter around his shoulders when he feels his thighs strain in their position, about to give out any moment.

Feeling him shiver underneath his touch, Kaoru slows himself down and settles Die gently onto his lap. “You okay?” he asks breathlessly, coaxing Die away from his neck.

When Die pulls away, his eyes were glazed over softly, cheeks flushed and dewy with sweat. “Yes…I-I’m good, it’s just…ah!” he answers, gasping quietly at Kaoru’s shallow thrusts, “It’s just…my legs…” he stutters, before looking down in embarrassment, hair falling down his shoulders to curtain the sides of his face. In his lap, flustered, self-conscious and so, so aroused, Die looks not unlike how he did all those years ago, when he had come to Kaoru in his hotel room, and sunk himself down on his cock for the first time. He remembers how ecstatic he had been; that the man he was enamoured with, the man that _everyone_ was enamoured with, had even wanted him that way. Heart swelling unbearably at the sight, Kaoru presses reassuring kisses along his cheekbone all the way to the tip of his nose, smiling when he could make Die scrunch his face and laugh despite himself, his eyes twinkling affectionately back at Kaoru.

“Do you want to lie down?” Kaoru asks, knowing it would probably be more comfortable for him if he did. When Die gives a shy nod in answer, Kaoru gently lowers him onto the bed and grabs a bolster to tuck underneath his waist. Once Die lets him know that he is comfortable, wrapping his legs around Kaoru’s hips and squeezing his forearms lightly, Kaoru settles back into his previous pace and fucks into him hard and deep, wrapping his hand around his dripping length to stroke him in time with his thrusts.

Die moans loudly into the sheets when Kaoru continues his rough pace, stroking him harshly and slamming hard into him with every roll of his hips, making him grasp for leverage at the foot of the bed. With his body writhing with pleasure and his cock spilling messily onto Kaoru’s fingers, Die feels helpless, debauched, and at the mercy of the man he loves. And seeing Kaoru above him in all of his grace, the way his tattoos contrast beautifully against Die’s unmarked skin, mussed hair delicately framing his high cheekbones and his handsome jawline, Die feels glad that he had the courage to approach him all those years ago, remembering how relieved he felt when Kaoru had shyly agreed, and gave Die the chance to be with the man he was attracted to for so, so long.

It did not take long for Kaoru to notice that Die was close, from the way his hole clenches tightly around him, and how his cock pulses in his hand with every thrust inside his body. And with his muscles tensing from the heat coiling tightly at the base of his cock, Kaoru knew it would not be long before he reaches his peak as well. Keeping his pace steady, Kaoru leans down to caress the side of his face and asks him, “Are you close?”, pressing his forehead against Die’s, making him look him in the eye.

Die sighs into his touch and nods weakly in answer, “Yes, so close…ah!” he whimpers, his eyes fluttering shut when Kaoru thrusts against his prostate, bringing his sensitive body closer to release, “I don’t—a-ah! I don’t think I can—”

“Then don’t,” he cuts him off, pushing his hips hard against Die’s as he speeds up one last time, arousal spiking when Die wails loudly at his quickened pace, “Don’t hold back. Die, come for me…!”

After a couple more thrusts inside him, Die cries out Kaoru’s name and comes hard between them, back arching sharply as he releases onto their stomachs and into Kaoru’s awaiting hand. And Kaoru milks him for all he is worth, stroking him firmly through his orgasm and groaning when Die moans helplessly underneath him, his cock pulsing and spurting ropes of cum until he is utterly spent, twitching as it spills the last of his offering onto Kaoru’s fingers.

When Die comes down from his high, drained from the force of his orgasm, he pulls Kaoru down for a heated kiss, swallowing every gasp and moan that leaves his lips as he uses the last of his strength to roll his hips in time with his. “Kaoru…come in me, please…!” he whispers, winding his limbs tightly around him as his hips began to stutter. Though he is exhausted from the exertion, his hole overly sensitive and his prostate overstimulated, he desperately wants Kaoru to reach completion inside him. He had prepared his body so well for him tonight; he wants Kaoru to reward him with his warmth.

Kaoru hips stutter sharply and with one final thrust he comes hard inside of him, groaning and cursing into his neck as he spills generously into Die’s willing body, riding out his orgasm inside him. And Die eagerly takes it all in, moaning softly at the feeling of being filled and squeezing his thighs around Kaoru’s waist until he slows down to a halt, body spent and gasping for breath, panting into Die’s hair when he carefully pulls out and his cum trickles out of his hole, warm and wet and comforting.

When Kaoru finally gathers the strength to push himself up, limbs sluggish and heavy as he lowers Die’s legs onto the sheets, he sees Die looking up at him contentedly, his eyes blinking tiredly and his smile radiant with bliss in the haze of their post-coital glow. Unable to help himself, Kaoru pulls him by the neck to kiss him tenderly, smiling into each peck as he tells Die how beautiful he is, how good he has been for him, how he is so in love with him—

“What?”

Kaoru pauses, his vision clearing almost abruptly when he sees Die look at him in shock, eyes wide and brows furrowed visibly. Why did he suddenly look so concerned? “Are you okay? D-did I do something…?”

“You…” Die swallows and lets out an anxious, shuddering breath, “You said you’re in love…with me,” he finishes quietly, his voice barely above a whisper.

At his words, Kaoru feels ice-cold panic trickle down from his neck all the way to the base of his spine. Because he did. He _did_ say that. _Oh god_. How could he have been so _stupid_.

Mortified, Kaoru stutters out a weak apology and tries to move away. But before he could get very far, Die grabs him by the shoulders and pushes him down onto the bed, crawling on top of him to pin him in place. Taken aback by his sudden strength, Kaoru could only stare up nervously as Die looks down at him with desperate, pleading eyes.

“P-please don’t leave,” he chokes out. He looked like he was about to cry. “Kaoru, did you mean it?”

“Die, I…I’m so sorry, I,” he stammers, heart crumbling in his chest because he has finally gone and done it. All because he could not hold himself back. All because he could not keep his feelings to himself. He wished that the ground would swallow him whole. “I didn’t mean to be so careless. I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable, please forget what I said, I take it back—”

“Don’t.”

He blinks up at Die, confused, “What?”

Die leans closer to him, his long hair falling around Kaoru’s face until all he could see was red and the way Die looks at him now, cautiously, hopefully. “Don’t take it back. Not if you mean it,” he says, adding so quietly that he could barely hear it, “Please tell me you mean it.”

Kaoru swallows and lets out a shuddering breath. While he still feels immensely embarrassed with himself, he also feels hope rise in his chest at Die’s words. Lifting his hand to caress his cheek, Kaoru looks into his eyes and confesses quietly, “Yes, I do. I’m in love with you.” He hopes that he has read the look his eyes correctly. Hopes desperately that he has made the right choice.

He gets his answer when Die breaks into a brilliant smile and kisses him hard, lips and tongue moving passionately against his as he rolls them onto their side and presses their bodies close, arms winding tightly around his shoulders and back, making it hard for him to breathe. When Die pulls back and beams at him with a happiness that seems to seep out of his every pore, it finally clicks in Kaoru’s head what Die’s feelings really are. And he berates himself for how he has seen glimpses of it for so long, but has never been able to put the pieces together, until now.

“Die, do you…?” he asks nervously. Just in case. Just to be sure.

Head swimming in euphoria, Die’s voice trembles as he answers, “I love you, Kao. I loved you for so long.” Warmth bursts and crackles like fireworks inside of him, spreading from his chest all the way to his fingertips because _god._ Kaoru loves him. This handsome, talented man, who has always been so good to him. To think that he loves him too. “I thought it was only me,” he says faintly as tears began rolling down the corners of his eyes. Feeling wetness trickle down his cheeks and over the bridge of his nose, Die chuckles bashfully and hides his face in the crook of Kaoru’s neck. Of all the times he had to start crying, it had to be now.

Kaoru wraps his arms around Die and kisses the top of his head, stroking his hair when he feels warm tears fall gently onto his skin. “Me too. I’m sorry I never told you,” he apologizes softly, his arms tightening when Die sobs against his neck, his body shuddering underneath his hold. “You had so many who wanted you, so much love to give. I thought you couldn’t possibly feel the same.”

Die sniffles and shakes his head against Kaoru’s shoulder. “I’m sorry too,” he whispers, pressing kisses along on his collarbone in apology, “I couldn’t bring myself to tell you, when I knew. I was scared you’d push me away.” He pulls away from the crook of Kaoru’s neck and chuckles sheepishly into his chest. “I guess I shouldn’t have worried,” he says, wiping away the last of his tears, looking up at him shyly, “To be honest, I kinda feel like an idiot right now.”

Laughing softly, Kaoru cups the side of his face and placates him with a kiss to his forehead, smiling widely when Die closes his eyes and leans into his kiss. “Well, if you’re an idiot then so am I. Two idiots in love,” he says, tucking Die’s hair back with his fingers, “I think we’re pretty good together, no?” he asks, staring fondly at the man in his arms.

Staring back into his warm, quiet eyes, Die brings his hand to rest over Kaoru’s and smiles. “Yeah, we are,” he answers, his heart light and full as he curls up beside the man he now knows loves him as well.

(Later, when Die pulls Kaoru into the bath with him, the one Kaoru has drawn for him to ease his sore muscles, he holds Kaoru close and tells him what he wants to do when Kaoru finishes up that chorus the next morning, laughing sweetly when Kaoru groans and hides his face in the crook of Die’s neck.)

**Author's Note:**

> {\\__/}  
> ( • . •)  
> / > 🍵 here, to cut the grease
> 
> You can find me on [Tumblr](https://redbaretta.tumblr.com) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/redbaretta). Feel free to hit me up on either, though these days I'm up on tumblr more, making gifs and stuff.


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